How to not long for love?

How can someone not long for love, when everything around them is about love? I many times think that I am wasting my time and energy I'm waiting for someone dreamy, someone who would be a face to my imaginary perfect soulmate, and that now I should stop thinking about finding him at every moment of my life. That maybe stop trying to find is the way to find. But how to stop when every song, sher, nazm, movie, book, post talks about that pure emotion.

How not to think yourself in those cute, romantic situations? How to tell oneself that we might not be eligible for it?

And personally, i am not a very big fan of real love stories because it feels impure and adulterated, but how not to die for these lines "sajaunga lut kar bhi uske badan ki daali ko, lahu jigar ka dunga hothon ki laali ko", or "abhi to kuch kaha nhi, abhi to kuch suna nhi, abhi na jao chhod kar, k dil abhi bhara nhi, or "tumhare bina koi dilkash nazara hum na dekhenge, tumhe manzoor nhi usko dobara hum na dekhenge" and plenty more which my overwhelmed blank mind can't recollect at all.

Writer

 I met life last night. I met an alive girl in a party full of living people. She was the epitome of energy. She made me stay at a party where wasn't even supposed to be at the first place. Suddenly I got out of my memories of last night as I bumped into someone. A girl or another one of those robots, who was probably late for their work, but somehow she seemed familiar. When she saw me, i could see a glimpse of recognition for a millisecond and book it was gone, they were cold dead eyes. But did I know her, or was i just thinking too much. Because i was also just another dead alive person. 

Self criticism

I feel no matter how much I try to be positive, to think that it doesn't matter what I think, I realize that every time I do something, I think how it would make me look cook in front of a few people and then how they will think, 'Oh, she is really living an awesome life."

I want to change it. But every time I reach a solution, something doesn't work and the goal still feels as unreachable as it was before. And then suddenly I am the one seeing other people living their awesome lives and think "Oh, they are really having a lot of fun."

This is probably the best phase of a relationship

9/11/22

How it must feel when someone travels great distance just to meet you. Just for your birthday. It's my friends birthday today and I called her at midnight pretty sure that her phone must be engaged as her boyfriend had probably called her to wish first. But when I called she picked up and said that her boyfriend is there preparing a surprise. I felt really happy for her but there was a kind of self pity right there also, because i am pretty sure nobody would ever do that for me. I don't think i am made for love. I am too annoying for it.

9/13/22

Yesterday I was listening to a beautiful song and I just realised that probably this is the best part of my love relationships. Being single before my first relationship. Because I get to listen to all the beautiful love Stories, songs, couplets without any bitter feeling because I have not experienced heartbreak yet. Now my potential love life is full of possibilities. He could be anybody. I think after being with someone it won't be the same. I will feel trapped, now anybody can be mine.

Diaries of a Broken Person

Mariha was sitting on her bed, thinking, or more appropriately overthinking. She thought even after having so many thoughts, why isn't she able to make sense of any of them? Why it is so difficult to actually start working towards them. Why does she feel so burdened and tired?

Why do I want to write about myself as a third person? Another person because that is exhausting. I didn't even to write anymore. So, now I am not going to pretend like a third person. I am the main character of my life, and what I am even afraid of, People reading about this, let them read and let them also know what I think about them.