Saturday, April 29, 2023

the choices that i have made

 ‘It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’ - Dumbledore

Yes, I had to search the internet for the above quote, even though I knew what I wanted to put here, I didn't remember the exact quote, which is also a consequence of my choices.

So, today i was thinking that i really liked to read and write. i liked to read about poetry devices and i was only one in my class who knew the meaning of oxymoron, because i liked english and hindi. i liked stories and poems and how writing was the only passion that i had. this was only thing which helped me calm myself, or feel good when i was not feeling good. Then what happened, i am sure, but i think i thought that writing can be a hobby, or even a part time career, so i can do it later, and should now focus on securing my future. one think i a sure of is that i can be a good writer, i can practice and learn and actually be a decent writer. but the choices that i have made for myself are quite different and does not lead for me to become that. 


Saturday, April 22, 2023

mai kya kar rahi hu? mai kya karna chahti hu?

 aaj 22 april hai. aur mai aaj soch rahi hu ki mai apni zindagi mei kya kar rahi hu. mai ek job kar rahi hu, jisme mai normally tension or stress feel karti hu, mujhe laga tha mai khud ko prove kar chuki hu, lekin abhi bhi jab koi aisa challenge aata hai jo mujhe ek second mei hal hota hua nhi dikhta to mai dar jati hu aur sochti hu ki ab aisa lagega ki mai incompetent hu. mai impress karna chahti hu logo ko. lekin is chakkar mei mai apni life k main goal se door ho rahi hu. ye job maine ti thi for the time being, lekin is mei se time nikalana hi mushkil lag raha hai. kya mai writer banna chahti hu, kya mai rbi gr b officer banna chahti hu, kya mai bookstore kholna chahti hu, ya phir ghar baith k tuitions padhana chahti hu. mai samajh nhi pa rahi, sach mei nhi samajh pa rahi. lekin ye waqt mere samajhne tak rukega nhi.

Is there something wring with me? There is something wrong with me. Why can’t anybody like me? Why can’t i like anybody. It is different whe...