why do i think that i only have one chance, why do i not believe in life, and why do i everytime let go of something extraordinary (mostly an opportunity, because having a romantic relationship is probably not my destiny) for something that i didn't even want in the first place. I have always wanted to do things my way, but i neveer do. I have been so tense about my job lately that i didn't even realize that i didn't want to do it in the first place. I need to understand that it is not the end of the world. I have been trying a lot of ways or maybe not to cope with the stress and negativity and then today i realized that this is not something i love, and because of this i didn't give time to things i actually love or atleast like. I admit that harmonica and skating and french i didn't do because i am lazy or not willing to put in the hardwork but for other things like reading, which i really loved, because i was constantly thinking about this job, i stopped reading because of which i couldn't even write. And I have always wanted to go to Jashn-e- rekhta, but i didn't go there, because I never thought that I could do it, it's partly my nature for not taking risks and most importantly i didn't believe in me. and today i saw a post of a girl, she is a dreamer, and she is living my dream life. she is strong, intelligent opionated girl, but i was one of those people in college who thought that she was making a fool of herself. but she was the main character in her life and i wasn't even a side character in mine. she was there at that event, and i realized that she is actually living the life that i always wanted to live. maybe not in exact terms, but what i see from her social media presense and knowing her just a teeny tiny bit from college. i don't know what i am doing with these golden years of my life. I really don't know. I am concentrating on the things which should be temporary. Bro i just hope that i dont' forget what i am feeling in just a few minutes, i need this feeling to stay with me forever. The feeling i mean is the one where i get a reality check and not take stress about things which should not matter but things which matter.
Like this job, this is something that i didn't even want in the first place, and i am stressing my life over it. My health is taking a toll and this time i am serious, i get all panicky and my stomach and abdomen starts aching, my head starts aching and i feel miserable as if my llife is over. but it is not, its upto me when it will be over. So, for something that i didn't even want in the first place, i worried so much that i got myself a year behind.
